Leadership Isn’t Learned Through Fear
- Eddie Geller
- Sep 30
- 2 min read
Visiting my son at college over the weekend, I had the chance to observe him in action as president of his fraternity. What I noticed was telling.
He carries a lot of responsibility, balancing relationships, decisions, and the day-to-day realities of leading a house full of young men.
But beneath some of his leadership, there’s a shadow from the past. In prior years, the fraternity presidents leaned heavily on scare tactics, threats, and embarrassment to keep things in line. That kind of leadership sticks. It sets a tone that lingers.
And here’s the problem: when people are led through fear, they often replicate it when it’s their turn.
The outcome? You don’t get accountability. You get compliance. And compliance only lasts until pressure mounts or conditions change.
As Elis Wilkins so powerfully wrote:
“People don’t grow where they’re judged. They grow where they’re safe to be wrong. Be the leader who makes that possible.”
That’s the real challenge — creating environments where people can stretch, stumble, and get back up again without fear of humiliation. Because that’s where learning and growth actually happen.
Why This Matters Beyond a Fraternity House
It’s easy to dismiss college leadership as “practice” for the real world, but the truth is this dynamic shows up everywhere — in businesses, teams, and even families. How people are led is how they tend to lead. If their leaders relied on judgment, fear, or control, they’ll carry that forward. Unless someone breaks the cycle.
Great leaders don’t just manage tasks — they shape how others will lead tomorrow. The question is whether you want to pass on fear or growth.
Three Ways to Turn Things Around Quickly
Normalize Mistakes – Mistakes are not failures, they’re feedback. When leaders frame errors as data, teams stop hiding problems and start solving them.
Replace Fear with Clarity – Fear thrives in uncertainty. When roles, goals, and expectations are clear, people can focus on execution instead of self-preservation.
Model the Behavior You Want – Leaders set the cultural thermostat. If you want humility, collaboration, and respect, you have to demonstrate those traits every day.
Three Ways to Help Leaders Shift Their Style
Hold Up the Mirror – Use feedback and data to show leaders the impact of their approach on trust, performance, and retention. Awareness is the first step.
Coach, Don’t Criticize – Give leaders tools to succeed differently. Training in recognition, structured feedback, and coaching can replace old habits.
Reinforce Progress – Celebrate when leaders make positive changes, even small ones. Recognition accelerates their growth just as it does for team members.
The Leadership Legacy
At its core, leadership isn’t about position or title — it’s about influence. The most enduring test of leadership is what people take away from you when it’s their turn to lead.
Do they pass along fear? Or do they pass along safety, learning, and growth?
Your team doesn’t need perfect leaders. They need leaders who make it safe to be wrong — and safe to grow.
How courageous is YOUR leadership? Take the SKOR Preview to find out.
